Friday, July 3, 2009

In which mavericks are maverick-y, and I cannot stand Sarah Palin.

Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Might Have Stepped Down As Governor

o1. She wants to hike the Appalachian trail.
o2. She's had enough of monitoring the Russians, and wants to move to the East Coast, where she can keep an eye on those crafty Greenlanders. 
o3. She needs the maximum amount of time to herself to brainstorm the names of her next five children; being Governor really used up the creative energy she needs to come up with such gems as Track, and Trig.
o4. Being Governor of the great state of Alaska took too much time away from her hobbies-- like hunting moose, banning books, and throwing down with David Letterman.
o5. Mark Sanford isn't too geographically savvy-- he thought he was in Argentina, but was, in fact, in Alaska. Oops?
o6. Having verified exactly what the difference is between a hockey mom and a pit bull, she feels the need to do some research into what the difference is between a hockey mom and other animals, all over the world. Yes, Sarah Palin's going on safari! 
o7. She's noticed her accent slipping recently, and needs time away from the public eye to practice leavin' the Gs off the ends of her words.
o8. She figured all the cool governors were doing absolutely insane things (Blagojevich? Sanford?), and wanted to become part of the perfect Alaska to Illinois to South Carolina, "crazy governor trifecta."
o9. She misses seeing Tina Fey on SNL, and wanted to give her a reason to come back. 
1o. She's just bein' a maverick. It's politics as usual to serve yer full term as governor, and by gosh, Sarah Palin doesn't listen to those liberal, heathen, Muslim, terrorist, pushers of "politics as usual." She's lookin' at you, Katie Couric.

(Actually, this one was pretty much her reason.)  

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